Random Tale of Randomness
by Kyarorain
Summary: It started with Mia having the Wise One's baby and then everything descended into random chaos. Nothing will ever be the same again. Or will it?


**Random Tale of Randomness**

* * *

I can be so scarily random sometimes. The random should always be feared. So I wrote random humor for kicks.

Camelot owns Golden Sun.

* * *

"Isaac, I'm pregnant," Mia suddenly announced over the table as she ate breakfast with Isaac. Isaac promptly choked on his toast and fainted off the chair. Mia blinked, then got up and doused him.

"Ahh! Cold! Cold!" Isaac screamed as he was roused from his faint. He looked pitifully up at Mia then shook his head. "Wait a minute... you're pregnant?" He stood up, staring at her in surprise.

"Uh-huh." Mia nodded, pointing at her faintly swollen belly. It was quite odd how fast she'd begun to show. Maybe she was just going to have a very large baby.

"I'm... definitely the father, right?" Isaac asked tentatively.

Mia shot him a slightly annoyed glance. "Of course, Isaac! You're the only person I've slept with!"

"Wow... this is incredible!" Isaac exclaimed. "We got to tell the whole village! And then we have to think of names! I wonder if it's a girl or if it's a boy..."

Mia backed away slowly as Isaac rambled on. He sure was enthusiastic...

Two weeks later, Mia fell to the ground outside and the whole of Vale watched on as she clutched her bulging belly and screamed.

"Mia, what's wrong?" Isaac yelled, running to her side.

"The baby..." Mia gasped out. "It's coming... already..."

"But, it's only been two weeks," Isaac said.. "And... how could it even have got that big already? I don't understand..."

Mia let out a shriek as her stomach exploded, blood flying everywhere. Isaac screamed in horror at the sight of blood and fainted. Mia groaned and fell over in a heap, blood gushing from her body. Within seconds, she was unconscious.

"I'll heal her!" Piers rushed over and started administering Pure Ply to her large stomach injury.

"I'll help heal her," Garet said, rushing to Mia's aid. "I want to try something I heard about a while ago."

Everyone stared aghast as Garet dropped his pants. Piers grabbed him and marched him away, much to his annoyance.

"What were you doing?" Piers demanded, as people booed at Garet.

"I wanted to try the Healing Cock," Garet said miserably.

"Garet, you idiot! There's no such thing!" Jenna exclaimed.

"Please don't tell Isaac," Garet said desperately, as several people grabbed him and pulled him away. "Hey, wait a minute, where are you taking me?"

"Oh, we're jailing you for trying to do an unconscious woman," one of the people answered. "Resistance is futile."

"Aw, man!" Garet sighed.

With the incident over, everyone went to check on the still unconscious Mia and the baby that had somehow been forgotten about.

"What the hell is that?" Felix cried out.

"It's not a baby!" Sheba exclaimed.

"It looks like a rock," Ivan said, kneeling next to the rock. "But... there's something strange about it." He reached out and poked it with a finger. A single eye flew open. "Ah!"

"It looks like the Wise One," Piers said in surprise.

Everyone was so surprised by Mia giving birth to a rock they didn't notice Jenna sneaking away to the jail and busting Garet out. The two Mars Adepts ran out of Vale and disappeared into the woods.

About an hour later, Mia awoke in her bed. She was surprised to find an entire audience sitting around the bed and a small rock floating in the air above her.

"My baby..." Mia clutched her flat, painful stomach. "Where's my baby?" She looked around, panicked.

"The baby is fine," Ivan said gently. "But..."

"But what?" Mia screamed.

"There it is," Isaac said, pointing up at the floating rock.

Mia stared at the rock in shocked silence, her face going pale.

"Mama!" The rock squeaked.

Mia then screamed. And screamed again. Piers eventually doused her with cold water and she stopped screaming.

"How come you gave birth to a rock, Mia?" Sheba asked.

"I'd like to know," Isaac said quietly. "There's no way it could possibly be mine."

"Okay, well..." Mia swallowed. "Isaac, you remember how I said you were the first person I did it with? Well... I'd also done it with something... you couldn't call a person."

"You did it with the Wise One?" Ivan exclaimed.

"Yes," Mia admitted, blushing. "I'm not really proud of it. I had a little too much wine to drink... and somehow I ended up on Mt. Aleph. I faintly recall meeting the Wise One. I think you can figure out what happened next."

"That is so unfair!" Kraden said, startling everyone. When had he got here? "She gets to sleep with a talking rock?" He pouted and stomped out of the room.

"What are you going to do with the... rock?" Felix asked.

"I'm not sure I want to father a rock," Isaac said miserably. "I mean... not that I have anything against rocks, but... it's a little weird, you get my drift?"

"I wasn't expecting a rock..." Mia bit her lip. "It's kind of cute, but... I... gosh."

"So neither of you want the rock?" Sheba jumped to her feet. "Fine. I want it!"

"Sheba, you're too young to raise a child by yourself," Felix protested.

"Then that's where you come in," Sheba said, smiling dangerously. "Right? We ARE a couple."

"Wait... wait..." Felix looked at Isaac and Mia and saw how desperate they looked. Obviously raising a rock together was too much for them. The Venusian let out a heavy sigh. "Oh, okay, fine. Sheba and I will raise the rock."

"Yay! I'm a mom!" Sheba held out her arms and reached for the rock. "Come here!" The rock obliged. "I'm going to call it Melon."

"M-Melon?" Felix spluttered. "Why Melon?"

"I just think it reminds me of a melon. You know, the shape," Sheba said awkwardly.

"I suppose I should offer my congratulations," Piers said. "So... uh, congratulations."

"Have fun raising a rock," Ivan said.

"I'm sorry I slept with the Wise One and didn't tell you, Isaac," Mia said. "I just didn't think you could handle the truth."

"It's okay, Mia," Isaac said, kissing her head. "Just rest for now. You had a rock burst out of your stomach."

That night, as everyone recovered from the shock of that day and rested, Kraden climbed up Mt. Aleph and took off all his clothes. Somehow he thought this would be enough so that he could get some with a talking rock.

However, the Wise One stayed clear away. It wasn't keen on spawning any more little ones and not with old men for that matter.

In the morning, Ivan was one of the first up. He thought he would go for a nice morning walk around Mt. Aleph. It was then that Ivan spotted a strange pink lump on the mountain. He foolishly climbed up to get a closer look.

Unfortunately for Ivan, he'd stumbled upon the frozen dead body of Kraden, without any clothes on for that matter. Ivan screamed in pain and horror, then gouged out his own eyes with his fingers as he stumbled back down the mountain.

The Valeans were quite shocked when an eyeless person that resembled Ivan ran into the village. Nobody stopped to consider it was actually Ivan without his eyes. As Ivan ran around the village screaming and waving his arms, the villagers hid in fear.

The other Adepts were immediately on task to defeat the eyeless monster terrorising Vale, except for Isaac and Mia. Isaac was busy tending to Mia. Also, Sheba was taking care of Melon, so it was just Felix and Piers squaring off against the eyeless monster.

"Augh!" Ivan screamed in a high-pitched voice. "Kraden! Naked!"

"What's it saying?" Piers wondered. "I can hardly make out what it's saying. Why does it look so much like Ivan anyway?"

"I don't know, but it seems dangerous," Felix said. As Ivan ran at him, he whipped out his sword and impaled the eyeless Jupiter Adept.

"Thank... you..." Ivan gasped out as the sword was removed. He fell over in a pool of blood and welcomed Death.

"Did it just thank us?" Piers asked.

"I sincerely hope the real Ivan is out there somewhere," Felix said. "Otherwise I think we've got a problem."

"But at least the villagers aren't terrified anymore," Piers reasoned.  
"If that is Ivan, we'll just... explain very carefully if anyone asks where he is."

In the meantime, Garet and Jenna had hijacked a boat and were now sailing across the Karagol Sea.

"This is quite pleasant," Jenna sighed happily as she lay on the deck and tanned.

"I can't wait to get to Tolbi for Colosso!" Garet said in excitement. "Ooh, look, a Kraken."

Jenna didn't feel like seeing the Kraken so she rolled over and closed her eyes. Silence, muffled conversation and then strange noises followed. Jenna got annoyed and got up, marching over to where Garet and the Kraken were. She then let out a shriek of horror.

"Heh... I can explain..." Garet said uselessly, as the Kraken slithered back into the sea with a loud splash.

"Don't bother!" Jenna growled, knocking him unconscious with an oar. She angrily threw him overboard then sailed back to Kalay. Jenna didn't feel like going to watch Colosso anymore.

Fortunately for Garet, the Kraken saved him and deposited him near the shore. It was true love and Garet lived in an abandoned shack by the sea. He made sure to visit the Kraken every day. Their relationship was unhindered by the fact that one lived on land and the other one lived in the sea.

As Jenna walked back to Vale, she was quite surprised to find a bedraggled Alex tearing apart a Vermin with his teeth and eating it. As Jenna stared wordlessly at him, he shot an annoyed look at her.

"Hey, when a guy's gotta eat, a guy's gtta eat," Alex said nonchalantly.

"So... where are you going, Alex?" Jenna asked once she'd got over the shock.

"I'm going to Vale to steal the rest of Alchemy off Isaac," Alex answered, tossing aside the carcass. "Don't try to stop me either."

"But you can't!" Jenna exclaimed. She then rattled off a long lists of reasons why Alex should not go after Isaac, went on about how life was important and then finished it off by telling him she loved him.

"Well, fine," Alex said huffily. "If it shuts you up, I won't. By the way, I have no idea what the hell you just said. Apart from the love part."

"Come with me to Vale," Jenna urged. "You can actually have hot food and stuff."

"Sounds great!" Alex said, following her to Vale. Somehow they wound up as a couple. Mostly because Jenna wanted it to be so. And Alex had learned not to argue with Jenna.

Isaac and Mia were now trying for a baby. However, it seemed that while Mia was quite fertile, having even managed to be knocked up by a talking rock, Isaac was having a little difficulty. And he knew it was his fault.

"We've been trying for nearly a year now," Isaac said, looking frustrated. "There must be something wrong with me."

"Let's just keep trying, Isaac," Mia said, looking shifty. "I know how much you want a child of your own." She didn't tell Isaac, but she was formulating a plan of her own. As far as she was concerned, if he didn't know, it wouldn't hurt him.

She figured it would help if the baby looked like Isaac, so of course there was just one option. And while heavily drunk, Kyle couldn't tell the difference between a blue-haired teen and his middle-aged blonde wife.

Soon enough, Mia was pregnant. Now she just had to hope Isaac would never find out his child was actually his half-sibling.

Jenna had also got pregnant. Alex was simply terrified. Every time he closed his eyes, he imagined a mini army of Jenna clones yelling at him and setting fire to things. Or they could be just like him and plot to take over the world. Perhaps they would be like Proxians. Just actually evil.

Nine months later, Jenna and Mia had their babies. Mia had a girl and Isaac convinced her to call it Kylie, similar to his father's name. Mia was quite traumatised and afraid that it would be a clue to the father's true identity, but Isaac was so desperate to name it after his father, Mia relented.

Then Jenna was next. Everyone came to her bedside to ooh and ahh over the new baby, then they all stared.

"What..." Sheba spluttered, cradling Melon in her arms. "What the..."

"Did you really give birth to that?" Felix exclaimed.

"Is that a forked tail?" Piers asked, lifting the blanket. "Oh. It is."

"And it's even got horns!" Mia shuddered.

"What is the meaning of this?" Isaac looked at Jenna.

"I don't know!" Jenna growled, feeling quite disturbed. "I don't remember sleeping with a horned creature with a forked tail!"

"I... I can explain," Alex gulped. Everyone immediately turned to stare at him. "Okay, when the Wise One beat me up on Mt. Aleph... I actually died and went to Hell."

"Ew!" Jenna screamed. "You mean I was in a relationship with a man who actually DIED?"

Alex continued on, ignoring Jenna's usage of the past tense. "I made an exchange with the Devil which meant the Devil transmuted some of his blood into me and let me go back up to the world of the living. The Devil was quite keen on having some spawn up on the surface."

"You made a deal with the Devil?" Mia shrieked. "You really are low!"

"And I thought a rock was bad," Felix sighed. Melon let out a whimper. Felix quickly patted the rock and rubbed it. "There, there, Daddy didn't mean to hurt your feelings..."

"Really, Felix!" Sheba hissed, glaring at him. "Melon is very sensitive!"

"Well..." Jenna sat up. "I guess having a horned baby might be kind of cool... but can we please get rid of the tail?"

The Adepts in Vale weren't the only ones settling down. Garet's Kraken mate had just had a litter. Garet was a little afraid of the Kraken human hybrids, but quite happy to help look after them.

Then Ivan woke up on the floor from his strange dream, finding himself next to a small pile of bottles. He rubbed his aching head and glared at the snoring lump near him.

"That's the last time I drink your homemade alcohol, Garet!" Ivan hissed.


End file.
